Review: Conan the Barbarian

So. Conan the Barbarian; a movie that certainly caught my eye. Though I’ve never read the comics –  and never saw the movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger – but I was always going to research it a little bit. Mostly because of the word ‘barbarian’. I do love my barbarians in Fantasy. I had high hopes for this movie; thinking it to be Epic Fantasy with a but-load of hack-and-slash. The hack-and-slash was there (though not too impressive), and the Fantasy was definitely there, but I wouldn’t call this movie epic.

It was way too predictable! I predicted the ‘epic’ opening of a sword entering his mother’s belly while he was still in it. I predicted her was going to fall in love with that monk lady who just wouldn’t stop screaming as well. She was very annoying and I kept wrecking my mind trying recall where I’d seen her before.  And then I realized it was Rachel Nichols, from G.I. Joe – Rise of The Cobra. She was so much better in that movie.

I mean, her screams are very irritating. I kept wishing Conan would just punch her lights out to shut her up. And that’s not all I kept wishing for. I was also praying it would end soon. It started off promising, with a cute but deadly little boy who was named Conan and watched his village and beloved father die at the hand of Khalar Zym (Steven Lang). But then we time jump and Conan is all grown up. The fight in the prison was al right, but after that I kept losing interest. The whole bringing-back-of-an-evil-order ordeal put me to sleep. I’m sure Jason Momoa (Conan) is a very decent actor, but he kept losing me.

The movie could have been so much more than it eventually turned out to be, and that’s a damn shame.


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